Give Her a Name


Is there an inner critic inside your head?  Does she test you weekly, daily or by the hour?  Where did she get the license to show up whenever and wherever to tell you things that are not true?  She loves to keep you as a captive audience so you stay right where you are.  Whether you call it your inner critic or the devil on your shoulder, she is parked there and setting up shop in your thoughts.


“If you hear a voice within you say, ‘you cannot paint,’ then by all means paint, and that voice will be silenced.”   

Vincent Van Gogh



Here are a few things that she tells me:

“You don’t need to try that, you might fail.”

“You will lose some friendships, if you go that direction.”

“Just stay where you are, it’s comfy.”

“You really are too old to start over.”

“You really don’t deserve more.  Be happy with what you have.”




If you have dealt with past pain, loss, grief or a major life set-back, this inner critic can have a megaphone!  The truth is that when we fall to our knees in life which is completely normal in adversity, we can’t see how to get up.   So we stay put or the opposite, we turn into the energizer bunny of being so frickin busy that we don't need to stop and listen to her.


It’s too frightening to get back up or slow down because then we have to deal with our own pain.

What will change look like?

Who will no longer be there for me?

Where will I go from here?

Why should I get back up, it is so comfortable and safe here?


Top Reasons that keep us from getting back up :






Feeling Unworthy


Which reason is keeping you from not moving forward?  Give it a name. Is it Negative Nancy, Oh Bother Bonnie, Shameful Shellie?  I call mine Fearful Frieda.  When I am afraid of doing something, I stay stuck and Frieda is right there telling me all of the reasons that I should stay where I am.


Fear is an invite to stay or play.  


What I have learned is that listening to Frieda gives her the power. No More!  I started to play around with visualizing  her as a grouchy bitter person with a desperate need for a make-over. The 80’s called Frieda, and they want their big bangs back!  This may sound funny - but it works.  Visualization is key to training your thoughts first and then actions will follow.  Hey Frieda, we can stay friends just not BFF’s. 


4 Important Benefits of Visualization to achieve a goal

  • It activates your creative subconscious
  • It programs your brain to imagine limitless possibilities
  • It activates the law of attraction to what you want
  • It builds your internal motivation not external


“Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up.” 

Ann Bradford

The BEST way to start quieting your inner critic:

  1. Pause, be mindful and ask yourself, "is this true?"
  2. Create a silly character name and visualize her giving you advice.
  3. Stop comparing yourself to others.  This is fuel for your inner critic.
  4. Practice self-compassion.  I love myself, faults and all.
  5. Daily self-gratitude habit.  Write it and say it.  One internal quality you are grateful for every day.


You will run into challenges.  No body said change is easy, sweetie.  

  •  you may feel like justifying your decisions - so STOP
  •  you may feel like letting go, means forgetting the past - it doesn't work like that.
  •  you may feel like other people won't understand - it's not about them.
  •  you may not want to forgive others and move forward - but it will give you freedom and space for new things to come into your life!


Sending you all love, kindness and the motivation to get up and get back in the game!


Kathi  (aka not Frieda)


ps - I'm here to always help.  People helped me.  It's a win-win.

 If this hit home with you, check out how we can work together on my coaching page.




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